Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that enables its users to send and read other users’ updates known as tweets.  There are some funny people on Twitter!  Every once in awhile I like to share some of my favorites.  Remember the oldest post is at the bottom, so read up and enjoy!

Doctor_VAdopted Twitter hoping it would make me appear young and hip. So far it isn’t workin’9:58 PM May 28th from web

zapposTrying to reduce my email inbox is like trying to lose weight. The number always seems to creep back up to where it was before.7:16 PM May 28th from web

AndreaSantiagoIf you’re bitter when you Twitter, no one will read your Tweets! So be sweeter, a good Re-Tweeter. . . You’ll be needed, and get Re-Tweeted!11:05 PM May 27th from web

drdisaiaWhat is the Cheapest Plastic Surgery? Cut up your Credit Cards.10:45 AM May 27th from web

drlori71Caught my 3 yo washing Lightning McQueen’s tires w/a toothbrush. MY toothbrush.10:19 AM May 27th from web

not_ratchedThe amount of mucus exiting my nose violates the laws of physics. I mean how does it all fit in my head??9:51 AM May 26th from web

adevriesRT @Phocion: “Vacation” is a fancy term for temporarily delaying your mounting workload. LOL8:32 AM May 26th from web

doctorlinguistwith time, one learns to put one’s cereal bowl aside before one sneezes. but one is not to that level of enlightenment yet.8:22 AM May 26th from web

doctorlinguistLady at church: “I have to watch my carbs again.” Me: “Yes, I watch mine as they go in my mouth.” I may be excommunicated.1:09 PM May 24th from web

GiggleMedNow this darn Viagra pen won’t unclick…. it’s been over 4 hours… should I be worried about priaclickism?2:59 PM May 18th from web

drewmgriffin“I marvel that society would pay a surgeon a large sum of money to remove a person’s leg…but nothing to save it!”- George Bernard Shaw6:01 PM May 10th from web

pyknosisOh sure, when my 2yo niece runs around naked and shrieking everyone has a grand old time. When I do this, no one encourages me. At all.5:01 PM May 10th from web

drlori71Told my kids that Mothers day’s the 1 day that mommies can return bad children to the hospital. They’ve been so well behaved today!4:47 PM May 10th from web

robtdvisLooked at a cheap Chinese built motocross bike – 250 CC 4CYL on closeout for $786! My dear wife was not so excited. Ah well1:06 AM May 10th from web

Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that enables its users to send and read other users’ updates known as tweets.  There are some funny people on Twitter!  Every once in awhile I like to share some of my favorites.  Remember the oldest post is at the bottom, so read up and enjoy!

doctorlinguistbreast exams on lactating mothers can be hazardous to one’s eyes.5:20 PM May 7th from web

Christina1973Sometimes, getting my hair cut is the only way I can lose any weight!4:13 PM May 7th from web

scanman@DrCris re. world – the default blue globe desktop background on Macs shows the North American continent. Very biased, as usual IMNSHO 1:33 AM May 7th from web in reply to DrCris

karinab71OMG I caught my 10-yr old looking for a book in computer library catalog for “how to fall for girls” Should I get worried?5:19 PM May 6th from web

BakoMomLife seemed easier when I wore “Elmo” or “Princess” panties.8:56 PM May 5th from web

drlori713 yo dropped ball & it rolled into street. 6 yo says to the 3 yo “don’t go into the street until you’re a teenager!”5:00 PM May 3rd from web

drlori71My 13 yo niece is studying the 80′s & has to watch Ferris Bueller & Breakfast Club for hmwrk. 3 cheers for education in the US!10:17 AM May 1st from web

DrLaPookAt dinner tonight, my 90 yr old dad asked “What’s Twitter?” My 17 year old son instantly answered, “It’s Facebook for old people.”8:10 PM Apr 27th from web

iconjohnAccidently showed up to work on my day off, they begged me to stay. Doh!8:17 AM Apr 27th from web

sweenMy wife is asleep so I have no one to roll their eyes at me so I rolled my own eyes at myself and now I can see my brain!10:56 PM Apr 26th from web

KidneyNotesThis time of night, I throw up my hands and @Instapaper the hell out of everything in sight.9:23 PM Apr 26th from web

pyknosisI think the model for this mannequin was in a really cold room.5:46 PM Apr 26th from web

greggscottCDC warns greatest risk of contracting Swine Flu from visiting someone’s MySpace page or re-watching the Susan Boyle video.1:08 PM Apr 26th from web

FunnyNursert @KWScholar “Did you hear about the nurses who were wearing apple pins? When asked why they said, “To keep the doctors away.”12:23 PM Apr 26th from web

EricaRedCornLeft Autumn in the bathtub for 30 seconds while I got her clothes. Good news: she didn’t drown. Bad news: She pooped.9:25 AM Apr 26th from web

Some of my recent favorites from Twitter.  The oldest is at the bottom.  Read up for fun.

1. jrobinsonRN@EllenRichter I never thought that my music and clothes would be considered vintage so soon!8:05 AM Mar 27th from web

2. drewmgriffingonna start using Monopoly Money to pay my mortgage5:59 PM Mar 26th from TweetDeck

3. murphygrainneWhy don’t airlines allow you to change your meal from “standard” to “edible” in your dietary requirements?5:55 PM Mar 26th from TweetDeck

4. drlori71Hubby found Twitter & is now following me. He read my updates & says he prefers Twitter Dr Lori to real life Dr Lori. Think I may block him11:45 AM Mar 22nd from TwitterFon

5. motherjonesrnYou know it’s going to be a bad shift when the charge nurse asks you if you brought in holy water when you walk onto the unit.8:05 AM Mar 22nd from web

6. joeschmittObama’s going on the Tonight Show? I don’t remember President Bartlett doing that on West Wing. Obama’s going off-script!6:36 PM Mar 19th from TwitterFon

7. DrCrisHad this great idea of going out for dinner. Both kids want to go nude.1:51 AM Mar 19th from TweetDeck

8. motherjonesrnThe Democratic party just called and asked for a $100 donation. I told them to give themselves some bailout money and to leave me alone.9:14 AM Mar 18th from web

9. healthewomanmy new phrase for “outdated”: That is SOOOO Last Tweet!7:19 PM Mar 16th from Power Twitter

10. goldenskyePerson near me made loud remark about people who text message all the time. Think I should tell them about twitter? 7:12 PM Mar 16th from TwitterBerry

11. doctorlinguistI try to educate patients that Social Security disability is not their friend, and yet they all find this out the hard way.3:06 PM Mar 16th from TTYtter

12. markhcoxJust saw a huge sign that said,”Go to church or the devil will get you.” No wonder the world hates Christians.2:04 PM Mar 14th from txt

Here are a few of my Twitter favorites.  Read up from the bottom for the best results.

1. spolleyI’m a little sad everyone in the world is starting to join twitter… I liked the thought that it was just us smart ones. 5:34 AM Apr 8th from web

2. motherjonesrnNever stand between a woman and her box of chocolates. Just ask my husband. I think he’s icing down his arm in the kitchen.3:12 PM Apr 1st from web

3. drvalLarge spider disrupts Gupta’s talk. It was walking across white table cloth near him. #namc1:33 PM Apr 1st from web

4. scanman@medpiano i’ll have u know they didn’t give me nothin’ when i got 10000. for 4000 u’ll probably be cleaning my shoes 10:15 PM Mar 30th from iTweet

5. medpianoOMG — 40 more updates and I hit 4000! What do I win?? heh10:11 PM Mar 30th from TweetDeck
6. drrwinterstried to text my wife that i forgot my phone. couldn’t. had no phone.1:20 PM Mar 29th from web

7. DrCrisBreakfast out with the kids feels like living on the edge5:21 PM Mar 28th from Tweetie

8. jpbrady1Sitting with tweetdeck in front of me makes me think that I am at a large table of friends having a lunch10:39 AM Mar 28th from TweetDeck

9. AnnieliciousOh how I miss a weekend at a Bed and Breakfast. Now the closest I get is crumbs and a 69. I seriously need a weekend of being pampered.10:21 AM Mar 28th from web

10. Geek2NurseMy MD gave me a handout of shoulder exercises. It’s not helping. Maybe I have to actually *do* them…4:20 PM Mar 27th from web

11. pixelrnShould probably think twice before blogging the phrase “brand spanking new nurse” Google will pick up “spank” & “nurse” #HelloPerverts3:09 PM Mar 27th from web

12. btannebaumso I’m at a seminar today @abthomson comes up to me. I say “Don’t I know you?” “Yes, I’m your 1,000th follower.” Its a new world people2:30 PM Mar 27th from TweetDeck

DrCrisIs the principle of backups to duplicate as much as possible, and put it in a really confusing folder structure?6:16 PM Feb 17th from Chirp

ederdnCall me or I’ll shut your phone off in the next 10 minutes. Mom6:07 PM Feb 17th from txt

MIAMICRIMLAWGM wants 30 billion more? Ok, guess what, me too? I want 4 million, anyone else? Anyone?5:48 PM Feb 17th from TweetDeck

shamshaRT@AmericanCancer If you need a ride to treatment, call 1-800-ACS-2345. We may be able to help. http://bit.ly/bHUbq11:07 AM Feb 17th from web

DrBlogsteinI don’t want to disappoint my many new followers from the medical industry, but I’m not a real doctor. In fact, I make some people sick!10:14 AM Feb 13th from web

symtymprogress, we traded one VP with a loose gun for one with a loose tongue7:51 PM Feb 9th from TweetDeck

nurseseanPeople shouldn’t be allowed to un-follow me!!! Don’t they realize just how super awesome I am? Mwahahaha!6:59 PM Feb 8th from TweetDeck

DrCrisRT @Doctor_V @PeterSantilli: A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.6

via twitter.com

Here are a few of my favorite tweets from this month.

Posted via web from vpmedical’s posterous